11 Days Later and No Signings? No Trades? Questions?

I haven’t been this bored in July since the Kings acquired Derek Armstrong and Erik Rasmussen giving Kings fans hope that they were once again cup contenders!

Is Lombardi risking losing Loktionov to the KHL? (this falls under the category of “Does Will Ferrell ever have another hit?” i.e. does anyone really gives a shit?)

Will Drewiske be the 7th D-man this season? (who is Davis Drewiske again?)

Will Dwight King and Jordan Nolan start the season with the Kings? (one will, the other will pout like Kobe Bryant)

Does Brad Richardson have a job? (yes, just not with the Kings. He’ll be traded to a team that plays no defense, he’ll score 25 goals and grab a 4.5 million dollar contract. Wait, that was Teddy Purcell… no, wait, that was Matt Moulson… wait, I’m confused)

Would the Kings benefit by trading for Brendan Morrow? (He’s always injured. He fits in perfectly!)

Now that Parros is gone, does Westgarth have anyone to fight? (Does Justin Johnson know how to fill out an unemployment form?)

Will Thomas Hickey make the club? (he’ll be looked at confusingly. Like anchovies on a caesars salad. they’re actually SUPPOSED to be there but nobody ever complains when they’re not)

While the Sharks have improved by hiring Larry Robinson and the Wild have improved, have the Kings? (Yes. They fired Kompon. Flo the ugly, unfunny, out of shape spokesperson for  Progressive Insurance would be a better option)

Is Rich Clune in the Kings plans? (It would help increase my value on all of the Rich Clune jersey’s I own)

Despite his post season heroics, Trevor Lewis sucked during the regular season. Should he be back on the 4th line and should the Kings get some more scoring for Stoll’s 3rd line (let me think about this… FUCK YES!!!!)

Should Lombardi bring back Marco Sturm cheap? (After all, Trent Hunter and Ethan Moreau have THEIR names on the cup… what? They DON’T?)

Will Moller and Holloway be given a shot to make the team this season? (only when monkey’s fly “Wizard of Oz” style)

Will Shane Doan say “blow me” to the Kings and sign with the Sharks? (yes, and when he’s being paid by them when he’s 39 and they can’t “bury” his contract because he signed it when he was over 35, they’ll be screwed, like they have been every year.

Are the Ducks going to suck again? (no matter what happens with the Kings next season, Bruce Boudreau is going to be exposed for the mother****ing  ****stain that he is)

Will a Canadian team will the Stanley Cup? (what’s funnier? That? Or this joke: “How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick!”)

Will you cry on opening night when the Kings raise their championship banner into the rafters? (If you don’t… you’re whatever is below a pussy, you’re as heartless as that guy who stole the double amputee’s bike, you masturbate to video’s of Roseanne Barr, you like Jazz, you’re dumber than the annoying orange, you eat kelp sandwiches, you drive a Fiat, and you still worship Fonzie and anything Star Trek)


  1. Kings n Riders says:

    Matt here is a even funnier joke for you, Will the USA ever win gold at the olympics?

    • Kings n Riders says:

      Gotta hand it to you though that dog joke made me laugh pretty hard.

    • Yeah, because that OT victory was so convincing that Canada dominates the US. Now go put your Justin Bieber cd back on.

      • Kings n Riders says:

        I can’t hear you cause our two olympic gold medals in the last three olympics is plugging my ears. Now go back to jerking off to your Jonas brothers CD, and get back to me when you actually win something.

    • Kings87 says:

      Wow, someones has a soggy jizz soaked Roy poster…

  2. So Matt, are you defecting to be the Kings HockeyyInsiderr writer or what?!

  3. Matt, you keep saying ‘Who is Westgarth gonna fight now that Parros is gone’…didn’t the Ducks sign Staubitz?

  4. Ming the Merciless says:

    Matt, were you checking out Flo’s ass? Dude, that’s just so wrong.

  5. Live long and propser….ayy!

  6. notposimatt says:

    Why did you sensor two out of the thirty times you cussed? Also glad you can find some good in a team that won the cup.

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